By Dezrae Sergen
March 28th, 2016 There’s a lot of controversy about the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender community and while It has made considerable progress these past few years, will it just end there? As a whole, the LGBT community has generally been accepted by the public despite the bumps in the road, such as samesex couples trying to get married and denied their marriage license. As someone who’s with someone of the same sex, it was very hard to come out to a family with traditional standards. Growing up, I was always expected to do things a certain way. “You’re a girl; girls wear skirts and dresses.” Things like this were always put into my head, I wasn’t allowed to be dirty, I wasn’t supposed to like video games. I played with Barbies and makeup. I loved being outside; I hated shoes and makeup was meant to be put on my brother for fun. My mindset was different, and I was raised in a mold that I didn’t fll. So you can imagine how hard it was to face the way I felt and gather the courage to tell anyone how I truly felt, let alone to my mother. When I was a sophomore, I wasn’t really sure ‘what’ I was. I had seen many same-sex couples and often tried to imagine what it would be like if I had dated someone who is also a girl. At the time, my mind wasn’t really on relationships, and it was the start of my self-questioning. What did I like? Did I even like people that way? Being only 15, these things were all new to me, and I didn’t know if I could handle venturing into the unknown. Some people have it easy; they can just openly express how they are and not care about what other people think. But this was hard for someone like me. My mother was always the one who had everything thought out and put together; she always had a plan. So, to corrupt her map of the future was the equivalent of tying a noose around my neck. I remember when I started seeing someone as more than a friend. That person was also a girl, and I was terrified. Why did I feel this way? Is it wrong to feel compelled to want to be with someone so far from my reach? Why would I even question something like my feelings? Why would I want to deny the way I feel? Because I was scared of being denied the things I wanted. To like another girl was suicide in my family; the people who were there for me throughout everything, and I wanted to let them down. This is how I thought. It was torture to try and deny what I felt; to come home to hear the negative things they said about the people who were exactly the same as me. Gay. It was directed at me, yet they had no idea. They would turn to me and say, “I hope you find a nice guy one day.” Hearing that honestly made me hate myself. Why couldn’t I be normal? I feared my family never talking to me again, and honestly, I wish they wouldn't. When I finally gathered the courage to confess to the person I had developed feelings for, I didn’t care what my family thought, as long as I was happy. We had dated for a week before I decided to try and talk to my mother about what I was going through. But when that day came, I was shocked, and I wish I kept it to myself. I remember telling her how confused I was about how I felt, and she said, “I don’t agree with it, but I won’t tell you you can’t be with someone.” After that, she got up and walked away. When my family found out, I was suddenly a different person to them. My relationship was “just a phase” and “wouldn’t last.” That killed me. I couldn’t bring her to family functions; she wasn’t allowed over, and if she was, she wasn’t allowed ‘too close.’ The most upsetting part was seeing my 11-year-old brother with a girlfriend who was allowed to be alone with him. In public, I was absolutely terrified of being affectionate. I shouldn’t feel that way, but in the back of my head, I heard all the negative. It was tearing me up inside, and I was afraid I would drive her away with my insecurities. But she stuck by my side and almost two years later, I am still happily with her. The LGBT community is one of acceptance; it's not just for people who identify themselves with a different sexual orientation or gender. Everyone is built different, and their unique personalities should be accepted by those around them. No-one in this world should ever have to fear being themselves. If we were all meant to be the same, we would be. The world would be a boring, monochrome world.
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